Fear of Commitment - How to Cure Commitment Fear Easily

Fear of commitment is plaguing modern relationships. Look at any movie, or read any recently-published book dealing with the subject of romance. Since the 19th century, our civilization has perpetuated the idea of "true love" as the only valid basis for a long-term sexual relationship. Everyone knows how difficult this ideal is to implement. It's very difficult to be perfectly happy and satisfied with oneself. To find ideal happiness, satisfaction, and spiritual accord in one's intimate relationship with another person is even more difficult. It is no wonder that many people react to this by fearing long-term commitments. In some people, this fear becomes an outright phobia, a kind of social phobia. Help is what they need, for, otherwise as soon as their romantic relationships progresses beyond a certain stage of intimacy, these people will always panic--often, with emotionally disastrous results. Why We Fear Commitment Many experiences can makes us develop an aversion to long-term relationships. Perhaps your parents have had a painful divorce while you were impressionable and young. As you listened to them fight, perhaps you contrasted your parents' relationships to what was shown in movies. Movies, especially of action-adventure variety, depicted only the process whereby the protagonist falls in love with, courts, and begins having a relationship with a prospective partner (usually a passive female). They only show the glorious beginnings of relationships. The only experience most of us have, as children, of what romantic relationships are like on a day-to-day is with our parents. Thus, when parents undergo a bitter, showy divorce--or remain together "for the sake of the kids" but obviously appear to hate one another--it's easy for children to generalize their parents' dysfunctional relationship into all long-term relationships. Many Other Reasons Other reasons for commitment anxiety are negative experiences one's earliest romantic relationships. Perhaps your first serious boyfriend or girlfriend grew what you perceived to be as clingy and dependent, making your relationship a source of despair and stress, rather than happiness. Some people are addicted to constant change in order to mask a perceived lack of substance in their lives, or low self-esteem. Others fear responsibility that comes from living with someone they care for. They hate the thought of being beholden to someone else for their lives. Work Through Your Relationship Issues With NLP Clearly, the causes of commitment phobia are complex. Moreover, they're different for every individual. Traditionally, people who wanted to get over their aversion to long-term relationships went into therapy to figure out what it was they dreaded about commitments. However, this process could take years--years of loneliness during which these patients' most meaningful "relationship" could be with their therapist. A combination of NLP (neuro-linguistic programming) and hypnotherapy techniques, offer a potentially faster method to provide social phobia help for those who fear romantic commitments. The NLP and hypnotherapy practitioner doesn't care as much about your past. The NLP and hypnotherapy practitioner trains you to imagine and consciously recognize the negative thought processes that go through your head when you think about long-term relationships. Then, the practitioner re-trains your mind to lead those thought processes to different conclusions--ones that don't involve fear of commitment. For more info visit: http://www.romance4u.info

Dating Advice For Women - Easy Conversation Starters

Did you ever see a man in the grocery line who you wanted to talk
to? Maybe he was in the line at the bank or even at a friend's party.
You struggle to come up with something to say. It feels like you can
hear the clock ticking while you pray that your brain will finally kick
in and come up with a clever question. Well, one thing I can tell you
is that it doesn't have to be hard at all. In fact it can be amazingly
simple and easy.

Here's what happened to me this week. I was at
the gas station standing by the pump waiting for it to register so I
could fill my tank. On the other side of the pump was a man in his
40's, who poked his head between the pumps from the other side, smiled
and brightly said, "hello." Yeah, I was a little surprised. Not the
usual way things go at the gas pump. But I said hello and smiled back.

Mr.Gas then moved past the pump to be in plain view. He smiled again and
said, "Can you believe it's October 1st already? I just heard on the
radio how many days it is until Christmas!"

As you can see, this is not rocket science, but it did work. I chatted with him briefly. It
was a harmless, friendly exchange. Perhaps had I shown more interest,
he might have pursued me further, but I'm not available.

The simplest comment or question about nothing much at all is the best way
to break the ice. Don't' strain your brain rummaging around for a super
funny, clever line. forget that. Too much pressure. And your inner
critic will most likely shoot down anything you do manage to come up
with any way.

I'll give you a few starters so that you can get the idea:

- What a beautiful day!

- I love this time of year

- Doesn't the air smell good today?

- The sky is really blue today

- Are you a Steelers fan? Did you see the game last night?

- What a nice shirt

- I'm so glad it's Friday

You could come up with a few of
these right? Keep a few in your mental back pocket so when you come in
contact with men, you'll have something to say without hanging back.
You must strike while the iron is hot so to speak. Hesitating will
usually mean he got away before you uttered a syllable.

Most importantly, don't pressure yourself into thinking this will turn into
something. It's just flirty conversation and great practice. The more
you do it, the more comfortable you'll get with the process. And it can
actually be fun!

I do know a man who met his wife in the grocery store this way. She asked him to reach something on a top shelf for
her. (One of my favorite tricks since I'm shy of 5 feet!) Now they've been married for more than 20 years.

Just start talking to people. Friendly people who are comfortable with themselves are very
attractive and approachable. Make it easy for men and give it a whirl!

For more info on romance and love visit: http://www.romance4u.info

The Meaning of Red Roses - Romance and Love

The red rose not only carries the deepest meaning among all the rose colors - It is one of the universal symbols of love and affection. This flower's long, eventful history lends it a breadth of significance. The red rose has been incorporated into many works of art from classical poetry to paintings. It is also the inspiration for many artists and lovers across cultures.

Shakespeare made an allusion to roses in Romeo and Juliet, and the poet Robert Burns created a poem on the beauty of the red rose In the present day, the red rose figures not only in music and media, but also as religious and political symbols. Because of that, the red rose symbolizes courage, respect, and prosperity, making them an appropriate gift when we want to make a dramatic statement.

Among all these meanings however, love is what most people associate with this red flower. Any six-year old can tell you that a red rose is the traditional symbol for romance and love.

The red rose as we know it today was brought to Europe from China in 1800's, though the meanings people associate with them date back far longer than that. The color red itself was initially a primal symbol for life that eventually evolved into a metaphor for profound emotions. Early cultures across the globe used these red flowers for their traditional wedding attire and to decorate the wedding ceremony itself.

Because of these traditions, the red rose soon became known as the symbol for deep love and fidelity. As the practice of exchanging roses and other flowers as signs of affection grew more popular, the red rose became the flower of choice for lovers because it sends the strongest message of love. This tradition still lives on to the present day.

Sending someone a bouquet of red roses is still the most popular way to say "I love you." The red rose's rich and diverse heritage culminated in the modern day image of the lover's rose. It is the definitive symbol for romantic feelings and represents a true love stronger than thorns.

Red roses make meaningful gifts for expressing emotions during an anniversary, Valentine's day, or for no apparent reason at all. For new relationships and budding romances, a bouquet of red rosebuds signifies the start of romantic intentions, a message of commitment, and a tentative invitation to bring the relationship to the next level. Even a single, long-stemmed red rose can evoke a powerful response from its recipient. This is a trait no other flower can convey.

For more info: http://www.romance4u.info

Why Do Women Write Romance

On a winter's day, worthy of a Tolstoy introduction with its unnerving degrees below freezing and a wind chill to rival an ice bath, I was given this article to write. At first, I really didn't have a lot of answers. I love romance fiction myself but truly to put it into a logical, framed box as an article is, I wasn't sure.

But I knew that if I did some questioning of family and friends, I would find out why forty percent of the bookselling market is devoted to this genre and why it sells so well.

Here are some of the answers. Not surprisingly, many of these are the intangibles in our lives.

Renewal:

We could have a truly lousy day at work or at our home business or as a parent. The boss could have gone completely crazy and assigned fifty projects due tomorrow. Or the fax machine in our home office could have eaten yet another fax which we now have to phone someone about and impress them with our office equipment. Maybe your two year old has discovered how to cut and run from the breakfast table with jam dripping down his toddler fingers and oh no, he's headed for one of the clean rooms! Many days, life can be chaotic.

When all the craziness of day to day life needs to be returned to a balance between living and reacting, there is nothing better than stepping into a romance.

Romance readers report having a sense of renewal after they submerge themselves in a happy, love story. It's a way of getting the day's dirt off our shoes and sitting down to relax.

A literary tome wouldn't do for the occasion. A mystery wouldn't be quite right but a romance is always the hero of the day.

Hope:

Romance readers also reported seeing a sense of hope in books about romance.

Maybe you're true life romance needs a little repair and a weekend in Bali, but fall into a book and they have it so much worse. I still remember a book I read years ago when the main character had done something out of character and mooned a car which of course turned out to be driven by her new boss. She spent the whole book, more or less cringing anytime she saw him for fear he would recognize her birthmark. From embarrassing, to desperate to any kind of random misfortune, the heroines and heroes get it all.

As human beings, we need to have a sense of hope and when our own spirit is battered, why not a romance?

If you've read the story of Pandora's Box, in amonst all of the awful things that escaped, hope escaped too. As an avid reader of romance fiction myself, I truly believe that romance offers hope. No matter the obstacles, the main characters get to work overcoming all the reasons why the world is rotten but then find throughout the book the moments of hope, the spirit to go on. Romance readers are treated to hope in every book that truly is a romance.

The Predictability Factor:

While not every romance is exactly the same, we can take the guess work out of a book by selecting a romance right away. We can know for certain that at the end of the book, we are promised a happy ending.

For this reason, most romances try to stick to a general appearance of a romance.

Sharing the Hero:

And naturally, we can also assume that women read romance in droves for the heroes. Think of some of the heroes you may have read. They are usually gorgeous, tortured, complex souls that absolutely would melt the heart.

Truly, I think many women just want to entwine their own lives in reading of these men who will do what it takes to solve the day's problem.

If you're looking for a romance and feel you have to hide the cover from the store clerk, forget about it. Women have been reading romance forever and you're justified a good romance book any day of the week. Just don't forget to turn off the stove before you tune into a good romance.

Robyn Whyte is the CEO of an independent press called Stargazer Press. Drop by and see available books at http://www.stargazerpress.com anytime!

Kate Rizor's novel "The Governor's Wife" is more than a romance and shines with a message of hope as the two characters find themselves.